Michael Bay…Poking the Bear

tmnt-shadowsGrab your torches and pitchforks, fellow TMNT fans, because just when you thought the hurting and the nightmare was finally over, it comes back with a vengeance just like any main antagonist in a horror film. You know what I’m talking about…that moment at the end every horror movie where the surviving hero or heroine thinks that everything is going to be okay and go back to normal…only to either catch a glimpse of the creature that had been terrorizing them for the length of the film or to be attacked outright by the monster right before the camera goes to black.

Think my image is a little far-fetched? I don’t think so, because for me and any other TMNT fans out there, this whole ordeal has been nothing but a real-life horror film.

It would seem that not only is Michael Bay’s abortion of a Turtles movie back in production and slated for a for a release on May 16, 2014, but that he’s also chosen to add insult to injury by casting none other than Megan Fox as the lead female role…which can only mean that she’s going to play April O’Neil.

Think I’m making this up?

Oh, I wish I was. I wish when my husband informed me of this factoid this morning that he was only pranking me as he so often likes to do. If that were the case, I could go back to simply enjoying the beautiful snowy day. But the proof is written right here in black and white, so instead I have donned myself in my TMNT pajamas as a sort of battle-armor while I write out yet another rant about this never-ending nightmare because, frankly, it feels more productive than simply screaming my rage into a pillow.

So much for Michael Bay being, in Fox’s words, “a nightmare to work for” because apparently the ruin of more childhood heroes is more than enough to make these two people kiss and make up. After all, who has time to hold a grudge when there’s a fandom to destroy?

Now, I’m not angry that Bay is casting a brunette in the role of April. After all, in the original comics by Eastman megan-foxand Laird, April was a brunette. She became a red-head in the cartoons, but she started off as a brunette so hair color is not the issue here. No, I am angry because Bay isn’t interested in casting an actress who could actually bring substance to the role and once again bring life to a beloved character as Judith Hoag and Paige Turco have done before. Each actress brought her own energy to the character and put her own spin on her–Judith’s April had more of a nurturing, maternal energy whereas Paige’s April was more of a spunky big sister to the turtles.

What will Megan Fox bring to the table? Sultry vapidness and big boobs.

That is not April!

Regardless of whether she’s a lab assistant, a news reporter, a relic hunter, or a teenager, April is smart, quick-thinking, spunky, scrappy, friendly and able to be a smart-ass when the situation calls for it. Yes, she’s sometimes the damsel in distress (mostly the case in the original cartoon series from the 1980’s), but for the most part, she can take care of herself. She is NOT a sex-kitten…regardless of the fanart that you find littering the internet. Regardless of how some fans portray her in her art, that was NOT the way April was written in any of her incarnations.

Seriously, at this point Bay should just take lighter fluid and matches to the TMNT fandom because by the time he’s done with this atrocity of a film there will be NOTHING left of the intrepid heroes in a half-shell that fans have loved through the years. It seems to be that Bay is suffering from what I’m calling the George Lucas Complex–a state of mind in which one believes they can do no wrong because they have surrounded themselves with yes-men.

Someone, I don’t care who does it, but someone NEEDS to smack Michael Bay upside the head and tell him ‘no’! Smack him with a newspaper, squirt him with water…I don’t care, just PLEASE for the love of everything that is good, sacred and holy in this world, just tell him ‘NO’. Lucas’ Star Wars franchise is finally out of his hands so he can’t hurt it anymore. Someone NEEDS to take  the TMNT franchise away from Bay before it becomes a casualty of war.

Again, I’m not against change. I happen to love what IDW is doing with the rebooted comic book, and I am loving the new animated series done by Nickelodeon. What I am against is throwing all cannon and lore completely out the window while claiming to be expanding upon it. Expanding upon the lore is what IDW and Nickelodeon are doing. What Bay is doing is crushing the lore beneath his heel while studios throw money at him. Now, is Bay still planning on going through with the original plan of making the turtles aliens from another planet? One can only assume so because he’s Michael Bay and he does whatever the frak he wants, but only time will tell on that particular aspect as production gains steam. However, considering Bay’s track record, I wouldn’t hold my breath.


 Have you hugged your nerd today?

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