Editorials

The Drunken Nerd: The Worst Bosses In Nerd History

Well it is officially 2014, a new year beginning with polluted Facebook news feeds of New Year’s Resolutions; impromptu status changes caused by the last denominator of the year ticking up from a “3” to a “4.” Now, I’m not discrediting anyone for having a New Year’s Resolution, it is a very noble challenge to take on (and actually finish) however for the rest of us (the other 95%) who are still dealing the same problems and dead-end jobs it can be a bit annoying to read/hear about. So, for the fellow hardworking ladies and gentleman out there who are still dealing with the troubles of 2013, I’ve put to a nice little list some of the worst bosses in nerd history – just to let you guys know it isn’t all that bad. I have also instituted a rating scale for these horrible bosses. On a scale of 1-5 cups of coffee needed to put up with them (one cup being a relatively bad boss to five cups of coffee being the Antichrist).

#10 – Megatron (Transformers/Beast Wars)

I’ll have to admit Megatron is a relatively good boss compared to some of the other characters you’ll see on my list here, but his cutthroat mentality and ego put him in the ‘terrible boss’ category. I admit Megaton is a decent manger, by all means, his organizational skills are bar none and when it comes to planning attacks on his rival autobots/maximals there is no one I’d rather have in charge. However, when those plans fail (as they usually do) Megatron would rather use your body as a bullet shield than make sure you return safely to the hideout with him. 1.5/5 Cups of Coffee – Selfish Boss

megatron

 

 

        

colonel hoffman    #9 – Chairman Prescott/Colonel Hoffman (Gears of War)

Perhaps, a surprising pick to see on here, especially Col. Hoffman, but let’s be honest they both are terrible strategists. Prescott is more despicable than Col. Hoffman, but neither one ever seems to have any actually regards over any COGs overall well-being. Instead, they just point, yell, and demand for you to make the impossible happen over and over again – never truly appreciating the fact you’ve dodged death at least a dozen times following their orders and leadership.

2/5 cups of coffee – Unappreciative Boss (es)

 

chairmen prescott

 

#8 Wilson Grant Fisk aka The Kingpin (Marvel Comics)

The Kingpin is a criminal mastermind. He ruthlessly runs most of the criminal underworld in New York City all the while flawlessly avoiding detection from law enforcement. Unfortunately, he is unable to avoid superhero detection from the likes of Spider-Man, Daredevil, The Punisher, and countless others, thus his boss creditability takes a hit. He’s a mob boss, so his patience is always thin, but when you ask your henchmen, ransom-held scientists, and other short-term hired super-villains to take on some of the most powerful heroes in the Marvel universe it can be a bit over-whelming. 2.5/5 cups of coffee – Over-demanding Boss

 

kingpin

            #7 – Professor Charles Xavier (The Uncanny X-Men)

Likely, another surprise because Professor X is a very good-hearted individual; how can a teacher of mutant students be a bad boss? Simple answer: invasion of privacy. Professor X and his acute telekinetic powers make him a subtlety invasive boss. As a member of the X-Men you’d be unable to have a moment of solitary thought towards your boss. Forget any water cooler break moments to vent because Professor X doesn’t need to wheel himself up next to you to hear the co-worker trash-talk instead he just breaks into your thoughts without permission.

3/5 cups of coffee – Rude, lack of respect towards personal privacy Boss

 

professor x

            #6 Krang (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

Let’s be honest Shredder wasn’t the best of bosses, but after a hostile takeover in Footclan direction it may be safer to say Shredder wasn’t all that bad. Krang is just as ruthless as Shredder when it comes to carelessly ordering the Footclan into bloody battles with the TMNT. Yet, taking such orders from a guy who looks like a brain with limbs is just so much worse. 3/5 cups of coffee – Creepy, ugly, and unlikeable Boss

 

krang tmnt

            #5 Magneto (The Uncanny X-Men)

Professor X’s rival and an even more deploring leader. Magneto may respect your privacy unlike his counterpart, but he is at best bipolar. One minute he wants to lead the Brotherhood of Mutants in a hostile takeover of the world the next minute he’s teaming up with his nemesis’ X-Men to stop a mutual threat. Not to mention that later in his years he completely changes his hateful tune towards humans only to hop-back-and-forth on the fence of good guy or bad guy. Just make a decision already! 3.5/5 cups of coffee – Indecisive Boss

magneto

 

            #4 Skeletor – (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe)

Let’s admit cult-culture favoritism aside Skeletor is bad guy and a bad boss. The guy is set on one thing – capturing Castle Grayskull and learning its precious secrets. Over countless failures, Skeletor develops a bit of a Golem-complex of his precious Castle Grayskull obsession. Skeletor essentially is driven mad by it to the point where he just sits in Snake Mountain and dwells on his hatred towards He-Man and the rest of Eternia. Not even his lady friend, Evil-Lyn, can talk him into going outside for a nice stroll without the dire need to attack He-Man and his followers.

4/5 cups of coffee – Obsessive, Introverted Boss

 

skeletor

 

 

            #3 – Cobra Commander (G.I. Joe)

Failure isn’t suppose to be an option for Cobra Commander, but it certainly has become his standard. The leader of the terrorist group known as, Cobra, Cobra Commander is a ruthless leader with marginal espionage skill. Fantastic motivational speaker and an exemplary leader in terms of using intimidation in the workplace, but his track record against the Joes is satisfactory at best. Despite having a tremendously skilled team of mercenaries Cobra Commander can never get the full potential out of his team. Add in the fact that any time you’re called into his office he may just shoot you -indeed a fact that would leave anyone slightly weary about joining the Cobra ranks.

4.5/5 cups of coffee – Aggressive, underachieving Boss

 

cobra commander

            #2 – The Joker (Batman/DC Comics)

Need I even explain his place on this list? The prince of crime is an alluring title to want to work for. Sure, it sounds marketable – a good resume builder working for a guy like that, but considering the fact most of his henchman don’t live past the first week of employment (let alone see a paycheck) maybe it is best to continue the job search elsewhere.

5/5 cups of coffee – Homicidal maniac Boss

 

joker

            #1 – Darth Vader (Star Wars)

The worst of the worst, Darth Vader, is truly the world’s most miserable boss. The man has forced-choked every employee-of-the-month in the Empire’s workforce. The phrase, “Walking on egg shells,” is an understatement around Vader. He demands one thing, excellence. The Empire does offer better health benefits than the Rebel Alliance, but under the Sith’s tenure no one has retired with a full pension.

5/5 cups of coffee – Ill-tempered and anxiety-causing-Boss

 

darth vader

 

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Neil Strebig

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