Editorials

The Drunken Nerd’s Top Ten G.I. Joes Of All Time

In honor of Memorial Day I’ve decided to combine a slice of Americana with nerd culture. Took me some time to actually  figure out how I could combine the two, but I eventually found what I was looking for, G.I. Joe: The Real American Hero. I’ve decided to celebrate this Memorial Day weekend with a plethora of pints of Rolling Rock along with bringing you a list of my Top Ten favorite G.I. Joes of all-time. Granted, I’ll admit those of you who know me, know that I am a Cobra guy at heart, but in the spirit of saluting our veterans this weekend it just wouldn’t be right to make a list dedicated to the bad guys. After all, we’re the U.S.A and we don’t negotiate with terrorists. Without further ado I present the best heroes G.I. Joe has presented us over the years.

recondo

 

10) Recondo

I’m not sure if it was his epic Tom Selleck-like mustache or his awesome Australian Outback-style hat that made me think Recondo was one of the coolest G.I. Joe’s ever introduced.

deepsix

 

9) Deep Six

Although he wasn’t officially part of the Joe’s Navy S.E.A.L team, Deep Six, was always part of clutch operations. Plus anyone who can dive a couple of leagues into the ocean’s blue abyss deserves to make this list.

barbeque

 

8) Barbecue

A surprising pick to some, but BBQ was a pretty wicked Joe in his own right, being the lone firefighter for the Joes. He looked more like a Cobra foot soldier than a G.I. Joe, but it wouldn’t be fair to put the character who once made me want to be a firefighter on my list of all-time Joes.

snowjob

 

7) Snow Job

I love my ice heroes (Bobby Drake a.ka. Iceman is one of my all-time favorite comic heroes) and naturally the go-to Alpine trooper makes my list. Plus, his G.I. Joe PSA dub may be one the funniest ones out there.

bazooka

 

6) Bazooka

No G.I. Joe list would be complete without the RPG, I mean, Bazooka wielding, bubble gum chewing, Cobra kicking bad-ass.

lowlight

 

5) Low Light

Starting the top five is the Joe’s only sniper. Low light was a bit mature of a character for a children’s cartoon, being the only character to truly examine the idea of death and the ‘nightmares’ that plagued him.

wetsuit

 

4) Wet Suit

An underrated character, Wet Suit, was one of the back bones of the G.I. Joe operation and hands down the coolest member of their Navy S.E.A.L unit.

shipwreck

 

3) Shipwreck

Of course I have to put the constantly drunk, foul-mouthed Joe on my list. I’m not sure if Shipwreck ever actually did anything for the Joes or if he was just there for the free booze.

sgtslaughter

 

2) Sgt. Slaughter

The name says it all. Sgt. Slaughter was the myth, the legend, and the G.I. Joe to be.

 

snakeeyes

1)  Snake Eyes

Was tough to put him ahead of Sgt. Slaughter, but I still can’t ignore the fact that his battles with Cobra’s Storm Shadow were one of the biggest reasons I would watch G.I. Joe in the first place. Plus, despite being a little soft in the new G.I. Joe movies, Snake Eyes is still the illest-mute alive.

 

Have a happy and safe Memorial Day everyone and don’t forget to follow on Facebook and Twitter @theDrunkenNerd.

About the author

Neil Strebig

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