It all started with a text from Black Bolt. The leader of the Inhumans had recently agreed to volunteer at the Disney communal cafeteria for characters by setting up tables and chairs each morning. Within the first week he tried to call in sick (Medusa apparently had a hair appointment) and the destructive power of his voice destroyed half of the Disney backlot. Once repairs had begun, an agreement was reached that should he need to miss work again, a text would suffice. This time his excuse was that his giant cosmic dog Lockjaw actually had a case of lockjaw (lame) and that he needed to take him to The Daytime Vet (who shares a practice with the Night Nurse) immediately. However, Kermit the Frog and the rest of the management staff were wise to his tricks and suspected that he was sneaking off to get in line for the premiere of the Avengers’ new film.
Not ten minutes later, we received a phone call from Aunt May telling us that her poor nephew Peter had a bad reaction from yet ANOTHER spider bite and that he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his contract to deliver meals to homebound characters (such as Modok and The Blob) because he was running a fever and needed a good home cooked meal of her amazing Wheatcakes.
Once a few people call in sick on the same day, it begins a chain reaction that causes the entire business to fall apart. Ghost Rider and Johnny Storm were suddenly unavailable to make their early shift toasting buns. Gonzo the Great (our greeter) came down with a case of the bird flu (not really surprising) overnight and Sleeping Beauty had “run out of her narcolepsy medication” and was not able to come in to bus tables.
When Greedo phoned in with a basketball injury (this wouldn’t constantly happen if he didn’t always insist on shooting first) and asked to be excused from his dishwashing duties for the day, followed by an email from The Watcher claiming that he had a freelance “Watching” job come up, it was decided to simply shut The Magic Cantina down for the day so that we all could support our friends The Avengers by going to see their new film, Age of Ultron.
Apparently, not everyone got the memo. We apologize if you were inconvenienced by our sudden closure and request that you send all complaints in writing to our complaint department, which is run by Mark Driscoll and Brent Kincade. They should be back to work in the morning. It seems that they both had flat tires on the same day and ironically, neither of them had spares.
The Magic Cantina will reopen for business bright and early tomorrow with a full staff because we are no longer answering the phones.